"America Ruined by Personal Essays"

Recently while browsing the web, I stumbled across this article by faux online news agency (or is it more a news-ish blog?) wonkette.com. The conservative and the delicate should reconsider simply browsing through this site mentally unprepared. It's called "America Ruined by Personal Essays." I briefly considered typing a response in the comments, but any serious response would have been most unwelcome; it simply isn't in the spirit of wonkette. So I chose to write out a brief response here instead.